Thursday, October 19, 2006

Enough is Enough

I wish it were still raining here but instead the sun has decided to reappear.
This does not match my mood. If rainy were an emotion that's what I would be.

Luckily, I'm not burning any food this time but my mind is heavy with 'things' and I did cut myself while washing knives. I think they call it the precipice of change.

I'm not against change per se but I am not a fan of the effort it requires. I'm already tired and I want to retreat. What is it with this time of year? I feel alone and melancholy.

I think that's all I have to say.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

You Can Make It If You Try

You can't be beaten at anything,
until you quit in your own mind.
There is no failure except in your not trying.
There is no defeat except from within.

You have no really insurmountable barrier except
your own inherent weakness of purpose.
The odds are with you if you keep on trying.

Consider yourself on a very long journey.
Sustain your personal vision of success until you achieve it.
In the end, you can only fail if you don't try.

Winning isn't everything, but wanting to is.
Success is a road that's paved with perseverance.


Friday, October 06, 2006

Perspective Bites Like a Rabid Monkey

This time a year ago I was sitting in a hospital waiting for news about the outcome of my Dad's emergency surgery. Today I sit at my desk eating tacos, thinking about that week. I find myself asking what has changed since then. Am I where I thought I would be? Am I who I thought I would be?

What's interesting about those questions is that we often ask them but we always know what the answer is. "No, of course not."

I used to hang on to things so tightly; outcomes, emotions, teddy bears, but I've loosened my grip on those things more and more since then. Save the bear, that is. How can you let go of a bear named Howard? You can't, but I digress.

There are few universal truths and most of the time we ignore them. More than anything I think that "life (the universe, god, et al) brings you exactly what you need" is one of the most absolute.

Which can be a hard pill to swallow at times when it seems painful. But rest assured it is better to embrace and live than hide from it.

That's exactly what my Dad did. He didn't give in to the pain or give himself over to emotional misery, even when he wanted to. A lesson he had taught me all my life but it was never more clear until then.

That week I finally understood, loosened my grip on things that don't matter and that's what has changed me. That's how I am different. That's how I am who I am today, not attached to the outcome, not crying as much, eating tacos at my desk, thankful that it is a year later and he is still here.