Thursday, December 13, 2007

Blue Xmas - Holiday Rants - Volume Two

I have not been a fan of the events during the month of December for quite sometime. (Well, except for the drinking.) But we don't need to get into the reasons for that.

Here are my Holiday Rants for 2007.

1.If It Can Be Seen, It Must Be Adorned!

It occurred on my drive into work this morning. The contemptible decoration.
You may remember my denunciation two years ago about the extremely offensive wreaths on cars.

Well, this is what I witnessesd this morning and I am beside myself with disgust.
(Although I applaud the capitalist genius that is now making money hand over fist all across the land.)

Seriously, people. I ask again, why must every surface be decorated in some manner? It is not festive, it is not cheery, it is NOT cute, it is purely annoying.
It invites mockery and destruction of property. Why do you want that? WHY?

(You can read more here.)

There will be no end to this, I realize and I will eventually have to find an island in which to reside if I no longer wish to be irritated by these redneck-diguised-as-yuppie forms of 'holiday cheer'.

2. It's a Wonderful Life

I am not a fan of this movie. Yes, I've seen it.
No, I don't want to see it again just to be sure.
I didn't like it and I'm tired of people telling me that I'm un-American or cold-hearted or lacking a soul because I don't cherish this dismal movie.

3. Fake Patience

At the airport, at the checkout, on the freeway. This is the time when we want to be moving faster, not slower. Don't try to be all "Happy Holidays" when you've taken seven hours to put that bag sticker on my luggage. It won't get to where I'm going anyway. Just slap it on there and let me wade through the security checkpoint and all the other travelers trying to be excited about the holidays by faking patience as they tell their boring stories of what they do at christmas back home in Iowa.

That's all I can muster this year. The energy is low. Enjoy the rest of December and remember 2008 is Leap Year! Now that's exciting!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Loss and Lost

I usually don't post anything too personal or revealing or real for that matter. It's a funny little blog, showcasing my amazing sense of humour and wit.
Not that by sharing all the thoughts I've been saving is going to change anything, but it will free up some of the space in my head. And since I can't afford therapy anymore, this will have to do and it's going to be heavy.

I've been thinking a lot about broken hearts lately. I thought that I had suffered
them a few times, but those were all illusions.
When my niece died, I watched my sister's heart break.
That was and is a real broken heart.
One that I can't fix.
I have always, for the most part, been able to take care of my sister. I am at a loss this time. I can only offer what I always have and that will be fine, but it still doesn't seem like enough.

I still haven't really been able to process it. I have just been going through the motions of my life since I returned to it a week or so ago. I am being forced into change, yet again and alone as always. This time it seems utterly insurmountable because of all the extra stuff being piled on at the same time. I know intellectually, that that isn't true but I am so tired and exhausted that my will to pick up the pieces (again) is depleted.

What I want is to be seven years old again and be able to curl up in my mother's lap and cry until it doesn't hurt anymore. Knowing that she will make it stop hurting. We don't realize what we have when we're seven, do we? And I suppose, sometimes, on the other side of that is a tired adult wishing they too were seven, curled up and taken care of.

At this point I should be hurtling toward a point and then close by bringing it all back around and maybe have a moral to the story. But I am directionless and scattered and I am not going to be able to help you, dear reader, with anything profound to come away with.

My little niece was amazing and precious. I marveled at how she wanted to pull those tubes out of her nose and I am glad that there are pictures of her without them obstructing her radiant, gorgeous face. I am grateful I had the chance to hold her and sing to her. I will keep singing to her. I think it will help heal broken hearts.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Sing Me to Heaven

In my heart’s sequestered chambers
Lie truths stripped of poet’s gloss
Words alone are vain and vacant
And my heart is mute

In response to aching silence
Memory summons half-heard voices
And my soul finds primal eloquence
And wraps me in song
Wraps me in song

If you would comfort me
Sing me a lullaby
If you would win my heart
Sing me a love song
If you would mourn me
And bring me to God

Sing me a requiem
Sing me to heaven

Touch in me
All love and passion
Pain and pleasure
Touch in me
Grief and comfort
Love and passion
Pain and pleasure

Sing me a lullaby
A love song
A requiem
Love me, comfort me
Bring me to God

Sing me a love song
Sing me to heaven

-Jane Griner

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Mathematical Musings

I've never liked math or been especially good at it and recently I've discovered that there are lots of types of math that I also do not like and am inept at working through.

Airport Math (also known sometimes as Time Zone Math)
This isn't that difficult but when you've been flying all night across the country it becomes a bit more challenging. However, I did observe others having a lot more trouble with this math than I, while studying their boarding passes and wondering aloud if the time difference was already calculated into the arrival time. It is people, it is. The airlines take into account the stupidity of the masses and do this math. It is the one thing for which they can be trusted to complete successfully.

Hospital Math
My niece is in the NICU until she gains enough weight for heart surgery. They measure her weight in grams. They measure her nutrition intake in 'cc's'. They do not convert these measurements for those of us who have not embraced the metric system. It's unfortunate that this is the case because hospitals usually mean crisis and levels of emotional distress. Math is the last thing anyone wants to do.

Misc. Math
Of course there's the usual stuff, Tip Math, Checkbook Math and the ever popular Leap Year Math. But I don't really have much to say about any of those. I carry a tip card, bank online and since my birthday isn't on February 29th, it's May 17th, Leap Year doesn't concern me.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Observations From the Field Revisited

I'm tired.

I'm tired of those stupid infomercials. I'm tired of the wind. I'm tired of country music. I'm tired of getting up early every morning. I'm tired of Roseanne Barr.
I'm tired of old people knocking rock music. (note: Did Hitler or Vlad the Impaler or any of those guys listen to rock?) I'm tired of TV evangelists.

I'm tired of microwave ovens. I'm tired of "fast food". I'm tired of Rap music. (Is it really music? I enjoy a little Beastie Boys every now and then but it just seems like rhyming to me. They don't sing or anything)
I'm tired of the cold. I'm tired of my fish. I'm tired of VH1.

I'm tired of Los Angeles. I'm tired of California. I'm tired of money. I'm tired of politicians. I'm tired of people telling me to get my hair cut. I'm tired of driving.

I'm tired of socks. I'm tired of shoes. I'm tired of clothes. I'm tired of Mexican food. I'm tired of the color purple. I'm tired of Bon Jovi. I'm tired of Fall Out Boy. I'm tired of clocks.

I'm tired of Time magazine. I'm tired of pencils and pens. I'm tired of Pat Sajak. I'm tired of Garfield. (I miss Peanuts) I'm tired of Ellen, I'm tired of The View, I'm tired of Oprah. I'm tired of Yogi Bear. I'm tired of computers.

I'm tired of power tools. I'm tired of playing checkers naked in the rain. I'm tired of wax. I'm tired of crayons. I'm tired of rulers. I'm tired of AIDS. I'm tired of Batman.

I'm tired of paper. I'm tired of the 21st century. I'm tired of electricity. I'm tired of McDonald's. I'm tired of wood. I'm tired of cats. I'm tired of staples. I'm tired of water.

I'm tired of birds. I'm tired of the letter 'K'. I'm tired of eggs. I'm tired of dustcovers. I'm tired of Socialism. I'm tired of adhesives. I'm tired of rich people. I'm tired of skin. I'm tired of mail. I'm tired of ties.

I'm tired of bananas. I'm tired of people on bicycles who seem to think that we, the motorists, are only thinking of their safety. I'm tired of Freddy Krueger. I'm tired of telephones. I'm tired of mustard. I'm tired of pork.

I'm tired of verbs. I'm tired of Madonna. I'm tired of Nebraska.

And I'm tired of this.

Monday, August 27, 2007

...I Am Precious, Could I Be Your Girl...

The really cool thing about artists not having buckets of commercial success is when they appear at a local bookstore and you get to have one on one time with them.

I've loved Jann Arden's music for the last 15 years and although I did get to see her show and meet her briefly in Boulder, CO in 1993 (for free no less!), last Friday was even more special as I was able to chat with Jann after her short set and talk about songwriting. She gave me a few insights and offered her assistance should I be so inclined.

She also chatted and shook hands with everone arriving for the 'show' beforehand. She's a gem and it's really nice to meet people you admire and have them be so very cool.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Standing on Shakey Ground

If it's not firetrucks or a spinning, troubled mind, keeping me from restful slumber it's an earthquake. That's right, a lovely 4.5 that shook for a good little while a few nights ago. (The big yellow square in the picture)

I am happy to report it caused no damage and all is well. In fact, it was really cool!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Fire Trucks Came to My Apartment

7/18 - 3:20AM

I was roused from slumber by sirens as they stopped in the street in front of my building.

I saw flames as I peered out the bedroom window, prompting me to find proper attire and investigate.

The pool house was on fire. Flames to the tree line.

Based on these pictures of the aftermath, fire personnel arrived in time.

Lacking a Good Title

Prodigal Daughter

I spent all the money, I spent all the money
Got nothing to show, got nothing to show for it
So tell me the story, tell me the story again
The one where I find my way home in the end
There's love and forgiveness, there's wine and there's water

I am the prodigal daughter

I am searching the heavens, I'm living in hell
I've squandered the blessing, I am the never do well
I walked on a wire, I tried every trick that I dared
Broke every promise to whoever cared
Burned all my bridges, like a lamb to the slaughter

I am the prodigal daughter

I have yet to see grace
Or true mercy face to face
Through a glass, not a trace
So I am out of the race

And I'll never go back, they'll not see my face again
I'm not like my brothers, and god knows I'm not like them
So you can tell me the story, it makes no difference to me
So the blind man can walk and the lame man can see
The party's still over, the wine's turned to water

I am the prodigal daughter

Have a listen at

Friday, July 13, 2007

I Can't Live Without...

...well, I could probably, but I really don't want to.

In order of importance:

#3 - I guess I would need to have strawberries with this too.

#2 - This is my favorite thing for dinner. Water is the first ingredient so it aids in hydration.

#1 - There is no other and anyone who tries to pass off Del Monte or Hunt's, or the red vinegar water in the McDonald's packets, or any organic crap, as being equal to this, THE food from the gods, well, the punishment should be severe. Accept no other!

As You Were.

P.S. A subscription to this blog will send notfication of new posts! It's easy and tastes yummy!

P.P.S. Cell phone cameras will be the death of us. But aren't they fun?

Friday, June 08, 2007

Climb Over Trees and Skip Over Rocks...

Extra points if you can figure out what song that came from with only the following hint: Their album came out in 1992 and the song was only 2 minutes long. Oh and they sued a popular Fox TV show because they used the band's name as the name of the show.

Green Mountain Summit - Boulder, Colorado

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Flaxey's Number One Fear

You know those lists that rank what people's number one fears are?
Number one was always public speaking and death was second. I am not afraid of either of those things. My number one fear is snakes. It may be irrational but there's just something about them that creeps me out. I think it's the lack of legs because lizards don't bother me.

Well, they aren't scaring me as much anymore although they are still scary, creepy creatures. Yesterday, I had taken a shortcut on my hike and as I was meeting back up with the real trail I looked back and saw a healthly rattler (at least I think it was; I didn't see his tail) basking in the sun. I of course screamed and stepped away but stopped and took a better look and this picture.

I'm fairly certain I'm going to keep meeting them on the trail so I think it's time to learn how to treat a snake bite!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Quote of the Day

Brought to you by the letter "S" for "Snake" (you'll see why)

My good friend, let's call her Sally, (because I still believe in protecting the innocent and the guilty for that matter, with some anonymity on the internet) has been living it up in Seal Beach and going on some not so great dates lately.

I cut and paste the following because it made me laugh out loud! Thanks Sally*!

Subject: Birthday
Date: Tue, April 3, 2007 5:24 pm
Priority: Normal

Hey chica,

Was just reading your blog and realized that I don't have a birthday
invite yet. Please tell me I didn't miss it!!! I will most definitely
be there - as always!!! I love, love, love you!

PS - I have a date with Brett tonight and I'm debating on the best way
to commit suicide already. Maybe a quick jump off the Seal Beach pier
into shark invested waters. ;)

Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2007 10:14 AM
Subject: Re: Birthday

The party will be May 19th at the pool like last year!
Thanks for the laugh this morning!!

Subject: RE: Birthday
Date: Wed, April 4, 2007 9:33 am
Priority: Normal

Sweet! Going on the calendar now!

The date sucked - let's just say when you're drunk high school buddy
shows up and won't let you talk to your date and is a complete's not cool. He tried to get him to go away, but the guy
didn't take the hint. Once he gave up on getting rid of him, they
started reminiscing on how they met at a Dungeons and Dragons class when
they were 10. ummm...yeah.

So after about an hour, I called it an early night and went home. The
best part of the night - thinking of ways to injure myself, here were
the top three:

1. Drive into oncoming traffic
2. Jump airport fence and stand in front of a plane that's taking off,
hoping to get sucked into jet engine
3. Overdose of easter candy resulting in stomach pumping

Scott also suggested poisonous snake bite, but snakes are hard to find
at the last minute
so that didn't make the top 3.

And that my friends is the quote of the day because snakes ARE hard to find at the last minute!!

* Sally is also known as PR Chick from "Flaxey Loves to Fly"

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


I want to say something
to all of you who have become
a part of the fabric of my life.

The color and texture which
you have brought into my being
have become a song and I want to sing it forever.

There is an energy in us
which makes things happen when
paths of other persons touch ours.
And we have to be there and let it happen.

When the time of our particular sunset comes
our thing, our accomplishment
won't really matter a great deal.

But the clarity and care with which
we have loved others
will speak with vitality of the
great gift of life
we have been for each other.

-Author Unknown

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Flaxey Talks to Stangers

Random strangers have been talking to me more and more. It’s not the usual “Do you
have the time?” (Which I don’t because my watch died years ago and I never had it
fixed) or “Do you know how to get to the bus?” or “How do I get to Sunset Boulevard
from here?”
These are all fine and usually easy to answer. But the other day things took a
strange turn, the questions from these haphazards were more personal and it started
in the ladies locker room at the gym.

After properly attiring myself for the workout, I did something I rarely do and
ascended the scale, just to check in. I stepped off and this woman asks me, “Did you
lose weight?” I have to say I was slightly taken aback by this line of questioning.
I shook my head and she said “me either.” I gathered my things and left.
Post-workout, I return for the opposite ritual and as I gather my items from the
locker another arbitrary woman sitting on the bench, strikes up with “How was your

I told all of this to my sister and she offered the following pearl;. “Before people
were always asking you for something; what you could do for them. These people are
asking about you and your well-being. It must be a shift in your energy.”

I have to say I completely agree. I have always had a sort of magnetic personality,
(which is evidenced in the long guest list for my upcoming birthday party) if you
will, but there has been a shift in my own perception of myself and that seems to be
echoing out in the world. I have to say I like it.

That’s as deep as we’re going to get today.

I'm also adding a rant about Best Buy. I hate that place. They never have anything! I had a healthy list of things and they did not have a single one. Boo! Best Buy!!!

I leave you with the following music recommendations. The Fratellis – Costello
Music, Silversun Pickups – Carnavas, Daughtry and my girl Jonatha Brooke’s latest –
Careful What You Wish For drops today. I already have it and it’s good. Visit
her site and order it.

(Disclaimer - this entry sucks in the way of pictures, spelling and links, because we are having severe technology issues both at work and at home! And that is ticking me off too!!)

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Flaxey Loves to Fly

I've flown a couple times in the last couple weeks and these flights were not eventful at all. You'll be bored reading this, but I know some are itching for new posts.

The highlights include the mean Starbucks girl in the Phoenix airport who couldn't understand the poor little old man who just wanted a cup of coffee with cream and sugar. She thought he said sugar-free. I jumped in because she was being mean and he had a hearing aid and didn't understand. She yelled at me for trying to help. The man was grateful to me.

There was the crazy unkempt man who sat next to me with his curly salt and pepper hair, rumpled clothes and crumpled up newspaper. He was the last one on the plane and stole the water of the guy in the window seat and then ordered a beer like he was at a bar.

And finally, on my flight back from Denver a friend was actually on the same plane; how often does that happen? We sat together and enjoyed the flight back chatting away and catching up. It was a pleasant way to end the weekend.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I Don't Understand MySpace

Everyone asks, "Are you on myspace?"
"No, I answer, I am right here, right now in front of you having a conversation."

Do we really need an internet page between us?
I already have five, maybe six e-mail addresses. Isn't that enough?
Can't you send your all-important communique to one of those?

Oh, yeah and this blog and three phone numbers.

Do I really need a page in cyberspace that describes my entire existence plus pictures of fuzzy, soft-focus kittens that represent my tender heart? Are words spoken from our mouths no longer valid?

Maybe I am too hung up on real live people and interacting with them. Maybe I should give that up for Lent this year. It would go well with my New Year's resolution to drink more; I can sit at home, pour myself a vodka (or six), affix myself in front of my excruciatingly, painfully slow computer and wait for the graphically intense pages to load and avoid all human contact whatsoever.

Yeah, 40 days of that and you should be avoiding me. Hell, I'd be avoiding me.

Seriously, people, are you really better off when Al Gore adds you as a friend? Are you going to meet IRL (in real life) someday over vegan lasagna to discuss inconvenient truths and his latest invention? I think not. And we haven't even covered the whole identity theft or stalking issue, and we don't have time. You'll have to ponder that yourself minus my acerbic wit.

So, no I don't understand myspace and I don't want to because I have enough technological ways of transmitting thoughts from my brain to yours.

Oh, yeah, and be sure to check out my page....

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Better Call Mr. Plow

Apparently, for the seventh week in a row Denver keeps getting hit with snow storms.

My sources there say they are tired of it and have provided the following from a trusted news outlet:

Another Weekend, Another Snow Storm

"The week ahead will keep our cold winter pattern alive and kicking. We
should have two surges of cold air drop through Colorado, giving Denver a
chance for snow Monday night into Tuesday and then again on Thursday.

"Then, get ready, Cold air originating in Siberia will blast into the
North Pole, then into central Canada this week. By the time we get to
Friday and Saturday that Polar Express will drop into the Northern Plains
and push our temperatures into the deep freeze once again. Highs next
weekend might not get out of the teens and we may have a few lows below

Meteorologist Dave Aguilera

My actual interest in snow can be measured by the fact that I moved far, far away from it. Although, I sympathize with this plight, my level of frustration really isn't going to register, especially since I am not traveling there again anytime soon. I do want everyone to stay safe on the roads though.

I really have no other profundities on this topic. So, I close with, don't let this happen to you:

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Leaving the Iron Home Alone and ON

Is it bad that this keeps happening?

Anyway, my favorite songwriter puts it best, as follows, and that's what I have for y'all today.

By Jonatha Brooke

I am digging deep, I am digging wide
Looking for clues, in the grand design
But no better, no better I'll never ever be
If I can't keep what I find

Cuz I have lost so many things
And I have loved so foolishly
But oh, never no never have I walked this dark path
Or felt this troubled sleep

So can you make ends meet when they're tattered and frayed
Make peace with the things that you've done
Cuz the end has nothing to do with the means and the
Way that the battle's won

Cuz you try to talk me down
And I'm running all around
You try to make some sense of me
But there I am in pieces on the ground

And so I wander, so I lust
Ever wonder who to trust
Cuz there's no clear line from blindness to sight
No straight path from dust to dust

So can you make ends meet when they're tattered and frayed
Make peace with the things that you've done
When the end has nothing to do with the means and the
Way that the battle's won

And you try to talk me down
And I'm running all around
You try to make some sense of me
But there I am in pieces on the ground

So I am digging deep, I am digging wide
I can see true, when I see your eyes
And no better, no bettter I'll never ever be
Without love by my side