Thursday, December 13, 2007

Blue Xmas - Holiday Rants - Volume Two

I have not been a fan of the events during the month of December for quite sometime. (Well, except for the drinking.) But we don't need to get into the reasons for that.

Here are my Holiday Rants for 2007.

1.If It Can Be Seen, It Must Be Adorned!

It occurred on my drive into work this morning. The contemptible decoration.
You may remember my denunciation two years ago about the extremely offensive wreaths on cars.

Well, this is what I witnessesd this morning and I am beside myself with disgust.
(Although I applaud the capitalist genius that is now making money hand over fist all across the land.)

Seriously, people. I ask again, why must every surface be decorated in some manner? It is not festive, it is not cheery, it is NOT cute, it is purely annoying.
It invites mockery and destruction of property. Why do you want that? WHY?

(You can read more here.)

There will be no end to this, I realize and I will eventually have to find an island in which to reside if I no longer wish to be irritated by these redneck-diguised-as-yuppie forms of 'holiday cheer'.

2. It's a Wonderful Life

I am not a fan of this movie. Yes, I've seen it.
No, I don't want to see it again just to be sure.
I didn't like it and I'm tired of people telling me that I'm un-American or cold-hearted or lacking a soul because I don't cherish this dismal movie.

3. Fake Patience

At the airport, at the checkout, on the freeway. This is the time when we want to be moving faster, not slower. Don't try to be all "Happy Holidays" when you've taken seven hours to put that bag sticker on my luggage. It won't get to where I'm going anyway. Just slap it on there and let me wade through the security checkpoint and all the other travelers trying to be excited about the holidays by faking patience as they tell their boring stories of what they do at christmas back home in Iowa.

That's all I can muster this year. The energy is low. Enjoy the rest of December and remember 2008 is Leap Year! Now that's exciting!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Loss and Lost

I usually don't post anything too personal or revealing or real for that matter. It's a funny little blog, showcasing my amazing sense of humour and wit.
Not that by sharing all the thoughts I've been saving is going to change anything, but it will free up some of the space in my head. And since I can't afford therapy anymore, this will have to do and it's going to be heavy.

I've been thinking a lot about broken hearts lately. I thought that I had suffered
them a few times, but those were all illusions.
When my niece died, I watched my sister's heart break.
That was and is a real broken heart.
One that I can't fix.
I have always, for the most part, been able to take care of my sister. I am at a loss this time. I can only offer what I always have and that will be fine, but it still doesn't seem like enough.

I still haven't really been able to process it. I have just been going through the motions of my life since I returned to it a week or so ago. I am being forced into change, yet again and alone as always. This time it seems utterly insurmountable because of all the extra stuff being piled on at the same time. I know intellectually, that that isn't true but I am so tired and exhausted that my will to pick up the pieces (again) is depleted.

What I want is to be seven years old again and be able to curl up in my mother's lap and cry until it doesn't hurt anymore. Knowing that she will make it stop hurting. We don't realize what we have when we're seven, do we? And I suppose, sometimes, on the other side of that is a tired adult wishing they too were seven, curled up and taken care of.

At this point I should be hurtling toward a point and then close by bringing it all back around and maybe have a moral to the story. But I am directionless and scattered and I am not going to be able to help you, dear reader, with anything profound to come away with.

My little niece was amazing and precious. I marveled at how she wanted to pull those tubes out of her nose and I am glad that there are pictures of her without them obstructing her radiant, gorgeous face. I am grateful I had the chance to hold her and sing to her. I will keep singing to her. I think it will help heal broken hearts.