Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Holiday Rants - Volume Five

Well kids, it's that time again. But you know what? I'm just not feelin' it.
I know; it's shocking! The acerbic wit is taking a break.
Don't worry, I still loathe that crap people put on cars, Christmas music bleating well before its time and the fake niceness.

But this year there has been some change that has been like a burden has been lifted (yes, despite the feelings uttered in the last post) and well, that creates lightness in all areas of life.
In other words, the Bad Season has turned itself around a little bit. I know! I can hardly believe it myself.
I can still indulge in a little bit of ranting though so here goes!

1. Helicopter Parents - You don't need seven cameras recording the exact same performance of your kid at the holiday light show especially if you are both standing in the same place and all the cameras have the same shot. Zoom in already. There's a big pile of regret waiting when you get home.

2. The Costco Basket of Stuff No One Wants to Eat - This is disguised as a gift. It's not. It's an experiment or rather a dare; like a Letterman sketch. "Will you eat it?" (Also, no, it probably won't float. Those are going to be sinkers.)

3. Obligatory Gifting - see #2. Just bring a bottle of wine or a poinsettia if you feel you must bring something. Flammable liquids in the form of libations are always a good way to go. Unless your friends are alcoholics. Then you have bigger problems.

4. The Disappearance of Actual Christmas Cards - A mass text to your contact list is not a heartfelt wish. Save those characters for your Facebook status and annoy those people instead.

Have a happy holiday season everyone and be sure to make a very special wish on 1-1-11!