Friday, January 06, 2017

Holiday Rants Volume 7

I've really dropped the ball.

I have been cleaning up my email drafts folder and found a Holiday Rants blog I never posted. From 2013.

The last one was 2011. Oy, oy, oy.   So much for consistency in blogging.

Even though the holidays are technically over, volume seven of the rants is getting posted today and this annoying preamble is almost finished.

These rants still hold true and those damn car decorations still annoy me but now I see them and just shake my head.  Anyway, here you go. Hope you weren't holding your breath!

I though about the rants the other day when I witnessed reindeer antlers protruding out of the windows of an SUV. I was not as terribly bothered as I've been previously but I still hold that certain surfaces need not be decorated.

And thus, began my pondering of what this year's holiday rants might be. Obviously, I didn't think enough to make this post in advance of the holidays bu nevertheless, here they are at last. But be warned; they are barely worthy of a whole post.

1. Party Tardy - In school you get points taken off your grades if you are late too many times. I know this because in high schoool, senior year, despite living one block from school, I was late every single day. I guess I learned my lesson from those formative years because I have not been tardy of my own volition and procrastination since.

Every host knows that invited guests will be at least 15 minutes late and therefore pads the start time accordingly. When you have invited people to a sit down dinner where cooking and timing are involved it's an insult to arrive more than 30 minutes late. This results in the host drinking gin and tonics while she waits for you and meanwhile, the once beautiful pork loin in the oven is on its way to turning out tough. But that's what you get if you show up late. Don't be rude to people who have invited you to their home and are feeding you. It's a sacred thing, so don't screw it up by showing up hours later.

2. Fake Days Off - If you realize, as a business owner that your worker bees are at zero sum productivity during this season and especially the time between Christmas and New Year's, and you decide to 'gift' them with those days off; then really give them those days off with pay. None of this, "if you have vacation time" or 'no work to do' wishy-washy business. Declare them paid holidays and move on with it. Pretend you're England or France and take a page from their long-ago realization that people deserve a break that doesn't include fretting over how to make that last 20 bucks last until they can darken the office doors again. Or using vacation days and then having none left to take for the one that's already planned in April. Seriously, let's make this happen America.

3. Ridiculously Priced and Poorly Executed Prie Fix Menus - Need I say more? Okay. Well, here's the thing restaurant people, don't pawn off your less than spectacular dishes or make them a mystery and then charge me twice what it would be on any other non-holiday night. We both know that it's not going to be as good as whatever I can order off the regular menu.

Hope your 2017 is off to a great start!