As we embark upon another holiday season, people bustle about to and fro and leave their brains at home the minute they step outside. Here are some rants. Enjoy.
1. People can't drive.
Stop talking on your cell phone. Please! Your brain can't do two things at once. Driving is a huge task. Think about it. You are wielding a two-ton piece of machinery around with your tiny little arms and legs. Stop over-taxing your brain with conversations that mean nothing and just drive!
2. People are not ready at the checkout
If you stand in the express line, do not write a check! For goodness sakes, you've pared it down to the ten items or less requirement and are obviously in need of the EXPRESS nature of the line's designation. So, don't you think you should be prepared with your form of payment? Like while the clerk is scanning your items, you should be writing out everything except for the amount. Is that so hard? Oh! I forgot...YOU are the ONLY person on the planet!
3. People should not put wreaths on their cars
Is this really necessary? Must we decorate EVERY single surface available to us? What's the Hanukkah and the Kwanza equivalent? Where is the menorah on the grill of that Ford F150? I have nothing more to add than that.
4. Bah-humbug is a valid feeling
What is with so much pressure to be in the holiday spirit anyway? Although, it's always lovely to be with your family and not have to go to work for a few days do we need to be constantly hassled about being in the spirit? If I don't want to listen to Jingle Bells seven-thousand times is that a crime? Now, I did put up my little tree and a whatnot, but until I have kids and can see them excited about this magical holiday, I'm not going to give into peer pressure that I should be happy that it's Christmas. So, spare me the look.
5. People should not go out in public
If you reach the top of an escalator and are unable to continue moving because you don't know which way to go next, you should not go out in public. EVER. To have this level of disregard for the safety of those behind you and your own person,
(because I assure you that if I am behind you, you will be mowed down. You'll be given a loud verbal warning, but I'll still come at you.) you really ought to rethink the whole thing. I can not tell you how many times I've seen this happen. In fact I believe that escalator accidents are not the shoelace caught in the teeth of the monster moving stairway, I think people are stopping at the top, gawking at the ceiling and getting plowed down by everyone behind them. It's far more dangerous than that stray shoelace I assure you.
Happy Holidays!
Tags:escalator,Christmas, grocery shopping,driving, holidays, bah humbug, car wreaths
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