This time a year ago I was sitting in a hospital waiting for news about the outcome of my Dad's emergency surgery. Today I sit at my desk eating tacos, thinking about that week. I find myself asking what has changed since then. Am I where I thought I would be? Am I who I thought I would be?
What's interesting about those questions is that we often ask them but we always know what the answer is. "No, of course not."
I used to hang on to things so tightly; outcomes, emotions, teddy bears, but I've loosened my grip on those things more and more since then. Save the bear, that is. How can you let go of a bear named Howard? You can't, but I digress.
There are few universal truths and most of the time we ignore them. More than anything I think that "life (the universe, god, et al) brings you exactly what you need" is one of the most absolute.
Which can be a hard pill to swallow at times when it seems painful. But rest assured it is better to embrace and live than hide from it.
That's exactly what my Dad did. He didn't give in to the pain or give himself over to emotional misery, even when he wanted to. A lesson he had taught me all my life but it was never more clear until then.
That week I finally understood, loosened my grip on things that don't matter and that's what has changed me. That's how I am different. That's how I am who I am today, not attached to the outcome, not crying as much, eating tacos at my desk, thankful that it is a year later and he is still here.
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